lunadickery | [lyrics] Actual Vigilante Yuri Petrov

You’re walking in the woods.
There’s no one around,
And your phone is dead.
Out of the corner of your eye you spot him,
Yuri Petrov.

He’s following you
About 30 feet back.
He burns away his cloak and brings out his crossbow.
He’s aiming at you.
Yuri Petrov.

You’re looking for your car,
But you’re all turned around.
He’s almost upon you now
And you can see there’s fire in his eyes!
My god, there’s fire everywhere!

Running for your life
(From Yuri Petrov.)
The moon is red at night.
(It’s Yuri Petrov.)
Lurking in the shadows
His honorable judge Yuri Petrov.
Living with his mom,
(Yuri Petrov.)
Hallucinating his dad,
(Yuri Petrov.)
Putting in his hairclips
Actual, vigilante Yuri Petrov.

Now it’s dark and you seem to have lost him,
But you’re hopelessly lost yourself.
Stranded with a vigilante,
You creep silently through the underbrush.
A-ha! In the distance,
A small cottage with a light on.
Hope!
You move stealthily toward it,
But your leg! AH! It’s caught in a bear trap!

Gnawing off your leg,
(Quiet, quiet.)
Limping toward the cottage,
(Quiet, quiet.)
Now you’re on the doorstep,
Sitting inside, Yuri Petrov.
Drinking all the tea,
(Yuri Petrov.)
But he doesn’t hear you enter,
(Yuri Petrov.)
You’re sneaking up behind him.
Strangling judge Yuri Petrov.
Fighting for your life with Yuri Petrov,
Wrestling an arrow from Yuri Petrov,
Stab it in his kidney.
Safe at last from Yuri Petrov.

You limp into the dark woods,
Blood oozing from your stump leg.
But you have won.
You have beaten Yuri Petrov.